The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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