omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
