I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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