Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
