i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
