she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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