Kiss
Puke
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
