I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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