You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
