so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
