I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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