Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
