I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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