She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
