i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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