Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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