if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I touched a dick in church today
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
