I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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