so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Randomize
