it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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