She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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