Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize