My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
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I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
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so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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