so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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