Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
