I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
