Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
