honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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