I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
