bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
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Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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