tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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