If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize
