If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
50% drunk capacity currently
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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