ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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