I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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