New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
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those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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