apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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