I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
