I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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