I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
