So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
