i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
