how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
