Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
