I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
