And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
