After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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