my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
