i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
