it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
