We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
