I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
