I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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