I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
