her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
