I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
this hospital has no fireball
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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