you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
