I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
