At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
