dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
