He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize