I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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