the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
