is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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