He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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