You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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