I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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