Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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