I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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