Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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