We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
