Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
