Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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