I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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