there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize