What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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