So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
