wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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